I Cried Out To God~ Help Me

Posted by on April 5, 2011
in Uncategorized

I thought it would be a good time to share a little bit more of myself. I have written little about this before. I was a cocaine addict for nearly seven years, and in that seven years time I did a lot of damage to my body as well as my psyche. It was a life of chaos and despair. I often times felt hopeless because I was homeless most of those seven years.

The purpose of writing this blog post is so that I may relay the message of hope that I found that sustained me while I was making my changes. Today I have become a protective animal over the happiness, self esteem, and self love that I have been blessed with since that one night. I have become protective of myself and my family, especially the love of my life- my wife Janiel. She has been quite an inspiration to me. Many people have had failed relationships and are waiting for their love of their life to appear. I was blessed at the ripe age of 57 years young.

It just so happens that I found a mate that was almost homeless several times because of the hardships of raising two boys without an adequate income. She had two small boys at her side and had to take a job with below the wages income by living on-site of the facility where she worked.

My wife sacrificed her wishes for several years by raising her sons mostly by herself. However, she made a mistake by marrying her ex-husband twice for the sake of their boy’s security, unfortunately he had an alcohol problem. Today she is a strong and determined woman. It is a darn shame the lengths we have to go through to be humbled. I am sure with most people that would probably say that it was the best thing that they could have done for themselves. When we stand up for ourselves we were able to ingrain a healthy dialog of self esteem building as well as the re-enforcement of self love.


I had been on and off the streets and was fighting relapse for nearly two years. I have seen my good friend die on an overdose of heroin mixed with a cocaine shot ( speed ball ). It was a wake up call¬† for me and that I knew I had to stay straight or I too could end up dead like him. My life was of great concern because I almost died twice from an overdose and both times it was with a heroin mixture and cocaine. One of those times my friends left me for dead in my apartment, but that did not give me the wake-up call until Ron’s death.

One night I was with a girl and we were really high on cocaine and Jack Daniels whiskey. We were ready to have our magic moment of intimacy until I started feeling awful about how high I was. The feeling was the worst high I have ever experienced had come over me. My body felt sick and I felt totally drained and drug dependent. I hated the high and the madness I had been experiencing for so long that I kicked the girl out of my apartment just so I could take it to God and have Him take my addiction from me, and I did right after she left.

I CRIED OUT…..Oh Father God please remove this terrible high from me now! I am tired Lord and I have no more energy to fight this addiction. Please Lord help me….Please Lord help me……Please Lord help me overcome this addiction and that I do not want to live like this anymore.

I said those words several times and I pleaded and I pleaded with uncontrolled sobbing. I had enough at that time and I did not like the person that I had become. I had to get rid of this addiction if I was going to live. I had to find some sense of peace because of the paranoia I felt when I was always high on cocaine. Things were so crazy in the times of my homelessness. I tried and failed a couple of times by not having all of my rent and so I lost the apartments. It was a tough lesson I had to learn, when all it was was for me to be responsible and re-prioritize my life.

After the space of two hours I was finally resting my head on the Saviors chest. Jesus found me broken and I knew that He was aware of everything that happened to me as a child as well as the life style I was leading. I felt so much compassion and love from Him, especially when I told Jesus that I want to change and that I want a relationship with Him. I knew that my life was messed up because I messed up! Jesus was to help me get my life in order and He would help me by giving me strength and character.

Oh yes, I got them and even more from the Man who Loved Me and had saved me from myself. This is my story to you and there is a happy ending to my story and I hope I will be read about by people that are suffering with grief and addictions. It is grieving when we lose ourselves. The story I have is my story… What about your story? We would love to have you share your story with us.

I believe that there are no new set of social sins. Rape, incest, alcoholism, death, sexual abuse, are not new to man’s culture. Perhaps we should share each others wisdom and knowledge so we can help our brothers and sisters along the way of life’s challenges. Life would be so much easier to understand when we have understanding. It is like the chains come off and we are able to understand not just the problem but also the ways to fix the problem. Dr. Phil says it this way, ” We cannot change what we do not acknowledge “.

All of us have had an epiphany and we experienced clarity so the things you thought about makes more sense to you. Dr. Phil is also known for this statement, ” So how is your life working for you? ” It really is a good thing when we can take our life’s issues to the Lord and yes, he will make take your weakness and make them strengths.

I hope people will be inspired to help others that are struggling with life so that they too will be able to have understanding of the problem. Some of us have been through life’s hardships so that we have been able to get the necessary understanding of life and its problems. Why not share this wisdom with others? Why not heal each person along the way that goes towards global peace. Why not learn how to resolve conflicts peacefully? How are we going to take the four corners of the earth by coming together people to people, instead of country with country with the exercising of their foreign policy? Is it possible that people will come together under the umbrella of PEACE AND UNITY, people to people? Some of us are bent on peaceful solutions however, there are times that war is necessary to stabilize peace and confidence towards human rights violations.

We need to work through our own social problems before we can be considered the ” Light in Darkness ” when we have our own darkness within our society. We were not born to be murders, rapists, or pedophiles. We have become that way by not taking care of generational dysfunction and gross sin against the spirit that is within us, that came from our Creator.

Yeah, I know it can be somewhat UN-realistic at least at this time. It is nice to dream and to hope that there will be peace among man. Let us hope that we can use the Internet in its usefulness so we can reach the four corners of the earth.

May God bless us with solutions!


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